Hair disaster!

Never one to be overly dramatic, but there are days when nothing goes right. I don't know why it is that these things always happen when you need them not to. It's New Years Eve for heaven's sake so why has my hair decided to choose tonight to go for a dragged through the bush backwards motif? My usually well behaved hair has gone on the war path and is leaving no room for a dignified retreat. Here comes the science bit, it's New Years Eve so I like thousands of other women out there decided to do something a little different but instead of giving myself plenty of time, I rushed the job because it's New Years Eve and I have a million things to do before I go out and yes my Hair is important but so are my nails and ironing my top and writing my blog (not necessarily in that order) as a result the rollers were left in my hair and so now Ihavedecided to embrace a Seventies theme for tonight's outfit, it wasthe only way forward. This is the true nature of fashion to either be rendered catatonic by a small mistake orto take it as a happy accident and move forward anyway. I could have taken an hour to wash and redo my hair or twenty minutes to change my outfit and blog from the car on my phone, with the help of throwing the keys at a good friend and letting them drive/ ordering them to drive. I'm not going to lie between the discovery of take over the world hair and this miracle new outfit and zen mood, there was a fairly major tantrum but that is because I'm not the even tempered type. It's the result that matters not the twisty turns we take. So whatever you are wearing and where ever you end up, have a great time. You'll look fabulous if you feel fabulous and only you will know if you were supposed to be wearing something else. So be it bad hair or spilt coffee just put on something else and knock em dead! Please except all odd grammar and spelling mistakes as the fault of some terrible shock absorbers and some very questionable driving! HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIENDS!!! X

Does size matter?

With the New Year comes the usual wave of 'new' television shows, telling us how to lose weight and become fitter, faster happier and healthier.  Style gurus come out of the wood work to illustrate how you should go about dressing your new body once you've completed these transformations.  It always confuses me a little, that they focus so hard on those that have achieved this ideal, forgetting that there are literally millions of people who aren't quite there yet but still have to get dressed in the morning.  Years ago I remember watching a Trinny and Susannah episode where they were dressing Jo Brand for an Awards show, they complained on camera about how difficult it was, I spent the half hour wondering how lazy they were, particularly when I saw the black tent they made her wear.  Dressing larger people is no different from dressing anyone else, when you know what to look for and where.  The truth is that there are no hard and fast rules, when it comes to personal shopping the emphasis is on personal, as in the individual.  When I work with a client I have the freedom to go to the best places for them, rather than being limited by the buyers of an individual store, with the internet this can be done without even having to walk anywhere.  It's no different from working with anyone else, it's about finding clothes that work for the individuals lifestyle and make them feel alive.

When I was a size 24, not so long ago, I was my own worst enemy when it came to dressing because I didn't want to be noticed, so I wore loose block colour clothes, which made me look bigger than I actually was because any shape I did have was hidden under yards of fabric.  I'm not saying that Lycra would have been my friend either but there are ways of disguising through misdirection that work much better than just throwing up a camouflage screen.  The problem is that bigger people tend to have giant personalities and so hiding isn't an option not because of the way they look but because of who they are, so if you can't hide, why not step to the front and accept that you still deserve to be the best you can be?  Instead of deciding to treat yourself when you reach a certain goal, why not do it now?  Treat the person you are, so that whilst you are waiting for the transformation to come to fruition, you are already getting used to the idea of being nice to yourself.  It is not the sole right of the perfectly formed to look in the mirror and feel good about themselves, it should be universal.

I know the High Street can feel a little like an obstacle course of pain when it comes to clothes shopping and it is easier to fall back on the old staples rather than risking embarrassment from trying something new but this is true whether you are big or small, male or female and taking back up is never a bad plan.  Asking for help can be difficult but when it comes, it can make everything else so much easier.

This one time at the sale...

Having mentioned it in passing yesterday, I thought I would use one of these stories to make a point.  It is set in one of those multi fitting rooms that some stores set up for the Sale period, in order to maximise the cattle feeling of the whole affair(delightful).  So our Heroine enters with a few bits and gamely tries them on, keeping a few and rejecting many but when it comes to getting ready to leave, she sees her skirt heading towards the door on someone else's arm?
"Excuse me, that's my skirt, ha ha."
The reply was somewhat confusing, "You took it off and didn't want it.  I do!  So it's mine now!"
"No I mean it is genuinely my skirt, I own it!"
"No you don't."
"Yes I do, I bought it a month ago, it's actually mine."
This surprisingly went on for sometime culminating in a tug of war and some very ugly words, which I won't bore you with.
But the most telling thing is that this individual could not tell the difference between a skirt from H&M and a luxury branded item.  Is this because there is no difference or because her sense of competition made her feel that she had snatched it from someone else's grasp and as a result it had become a beacon of her own bargain hunting?
This isn't added value as the fog will lift and then that shiny cup of glory will become a slightly tarnished tankard of guilt, because these are not the items we wear.

The sale purchases that are great successes are those that are purchased without intention, not because of price but because of love.  All clothes or to be honest fashion in general should not be reflective of price, you should buy things because they enhance your life, not because they are cheap or on trend, but because they make you feel or look better.

The Sale Fog

I don't know when it starts but at some point it hits us all, the word bargain seems to obscure the actual nature of the items we are looking at.  Today I nearly bought these very nice but totally inappropriate jeans, particularly considering I tried on a different colour of the same jeans earlier in the season and looked not completely different from a giant grape, so for Christmas I decided to be an elf?  
 
People go into the fog completely rational but somewhere, in there, they leave sanity behind, my clients love my "This one time at the sales..." stories because well it makes their horrible jumper they bought that time seem very acceptable and forgiveable.  People save all year and then spend it on the first day of the SALE?  I do hate to spoil the illusion but shops still make serious profits and rely on their reduced sales return policies to ensure the money stays in their pockets, whilst relying on your competitive nature to ensure that you buy more than you ever normally would.  It's the perfect storm.

So allow me to offer you an umbrella!  Sale shopping is and I think we can all agree on this, a nightmare on the first few days, so why not take a Zen approach.  Leave the first few days to the uninitiated, take the dog for a walk instead, if you don't have a  dog, read a book.  Next week there will be further markdowns and there will be clothes left in the shops, these 2 things combined mean that you win.  As every item you buy will have the added value of minimised stress levels and the sense of accomplishment gleaned from the fact that you saved even more money.  You'll also have the space to make better choices rather than being pushed and pulled by crazed individuals.  Your money will go further or it'll go back in your pocket until the right item comes along.  There is no such thing as a bargain you've never worn.

Happy holidays

So right now it is not the time to discuss how or why to shop, it's time to enjoy your family and friends.  The presents will be loved, I'm sure, but the time you spend together could be perfect.

Lets be honest it'll be frustrating, claustrophobic and irritating, with too many people in too small a space, all with different agendas and ideas.  Somebody will say the wrong thing, somebody will do the wrong thing and there will be far too many toys that make the kind of sound you feel in your bones.

So I just wanted to drop you a note to wish you luck and love for the Season, I hope you find what you are wishing for.  I'm sorry I've been a little sporadic recently, but luckily, I'm getting busier all the time.

Merry Christmas and we'll chat again on Boxing Day. xx

It's not too late, so stop panicking.

I know that when you read this it will be the 22nd December, you have 2 days left and trust me at this point the internet is not your friend.  There are some sites that may get things to you but lets look at risk versus reward for a moment.  Is it worth risking not having a gift?   There is an answer to the gifts that haven't arrived, print off a photograph of the item and put it in a frame, that way your loved one can see that you have at least made a "proper" effort.  However be aware that they may check the order date and anything from now on may be received with a small chill(yes, that is for the boys!)  So I'm afraid you may need to head for the High Street and you need to do it fast.  On the up side it seems that 85% of stores are now in Sale, so congratulations you have saved yourself money but as a result you are going to have to accept that the 'must have' items have probably sold out.  

Trust me when I tell you that the Sales Advisor in front of you, is there to help.  They have little to no control over stock levels, so please don't blame them for what they may not have.  Consider asking them what they do have in the size or style that you are looking for, you might end up with a gift you never knew you wanted.  At this point you have to be a little less specific and a lot more imaginative, when you are thinking about those you love.  I'm going to say this and I know it won't make me popular but Men, please, if you must buy Lingerie make it a gift for the Woman in your life or at least add another gift to the pile that is actually for her.  The key words for this gift are shiny, pretty and decorative.  Even an ugly item when purchased with love and in the correct spirit becomes a treasure, so you can't get it wrong.  

My top tip is get there early, if necessary treat yourself to a coffee before the stores open, read your list and have a bit of a planning meeting with yourself.  Trust me when I say there is no stress like looking for a parking space in a heaving mall.  Doing that weird slow follow of people with bags hoping they are leaving only to discover, they are only on the first load and going back for more.  

If you don't have a list of things, you should at least make a list of people.  That way if you see something you like you can assign it to a person.  It's easy to lose track of particulars and it helps to have something to ground you and illustrate where you are in your marathon/sprint.  I'm afraid the first thing may not be the best thing so you might have to illustrate some restraint don't be talked into things that are totally wrong, you aren't that desperate yet.

I would also like to make one more suggestion, in November next year, phone me and I'll have Christmas all wrapped up and delivered by now, all you'll still have to do is sign a card. Just a thought...

Ta DAH! (Tumbleweed)

Do you ever feel like this? As if the work you did is not only not understood but completely ignored?  It can be the little things like new hair or making the effort to clean the kitchen without being asked or it can be a big thing like Christmas, that leaves you feeling under appreciated and as if there is no point to what you have done.  So maybe your motivation is coming from the wrong place?  Or certainly your sense of accomplishment is.  Don't get me wrong I expect a round of applause for washing a cup and if I could just get the cat to co-operate my life would greatly improve.  We all do it, we look to others to tell us, we've done well or that they are impressed, when they don't do this.  It seems, we fall into 2 camps those that wonder what they haven't done and those that wonder why the people we love are so ungrateful.

I wonder if it is actually secret option 3, that those that love us aren't surprised by what we achieve as they have no idea that we actually make an effort.  As we make these things look easy, they genuinely believe they are.  Not to mention the fact, I suspect, that every time a visitor says "This is great", "God, you worked hard", "how did you get this done" you turn round and say the sentence that dooms you to having to repeat it always, "What this?  It was really no effort at all."  Well I know it was and actually it is ok, to say so, it will not diminish your accomplishment to admit that you had to work to achieve it.  It also won't diminish you to ask for help when there is a lot to do.  Sharing some of the strain will put you in a better place to enjoy the result.

When it comes to the smaller things if you aren't getting the result you expected, maybe its time to wonder if your method needs a little attention.  As a general rule people don't notice if things are right unless they are exceptional, there is an old saying in retail, the general public will tell 2 people about great service and 20 about bad service.  Think about it when you are wronged you will tell everyone as it plays on your mind, but when something is right you smile and move on with your day.

So the next time your family or friends don't gush over the changes you have made, take a moment to smile and accept the fact, you got everything exactly right.  

A few good ideas...

So it's possible that at this point you are starting to feel a little desperate about next week, its not so much the actual day, which can be stressful enough.  It's the run up and the count down, that just seems to compound everything.  Every time you turn around somebody is telling you how many shopping days you have left or another thing they'd quite like if you haven't bought anything yet.  There's another Christmas card falling onto the door mat from someone you missed off your list or my personal favourite; "I've invited another few people for Christmas lunch, is that ok?"  Ah, whole bags of crap! (excuse the language but I'm sure you understand)
So I thought I'd hit you up with a few suggestions to remove some of the inevitable stress.

My first and foremost is use the services provided by stores, if they offer gift wrap, give yourself the luxury of a cup of coffee and leave those delightful elves to sort it out for you.  Bless them!  Trust me whatever the cost by the time you've bought paper, sellotape and ribbon (if you are so inclined) you've probably saved a bit.  There is no shame in having someone else do a time consuming job for you, probably better than you would yourself. The cost varies but there is an argument for hunting out retailers and gifts that have this as a complimentary part of your purchase.

When it comes to the forgotten card, send an e-card.  You can even put in a comment about the fact you've decided the planet is more important than an outdated tradition.  Although that strongly depends on how much you want to speak to that person again.

Extra presents, they have the option to return what you've bought them and buy what they want after Christmas, thanks to the joy of gift receipts you don't even have to go with them.  The sales can be their own little Wonderland, well them and the other 6million people - fun, fun, fun!  I would also suggest for the person, well lets be honest man in your life, either a gag gift, www.cafepress.co.uk is amazing, or a charitable donation in their name. (A couple of years ago, tired of my brother's complaints that I never bought him anything good, I bought him Goat fertilizer from Oxfam, ironically one of the most successful gifts ever.)

When it comes to Christmas Dinner, I have 2 recommendations and you have no idea how brilliant they are until you need them.  1 extra bag of potatoes and 1 extra frozen pudding, that goes with ice cream.  I assure you with these 2 items you are the proud owner of your own "2 loaves and 5 fish" Christmas miracle!

Let me think, that's the main complaints I've heard so far this year but as always if you need help with anything, just let me know. Good Luck!!

Retail Therapy

“Today, fashion is really about sensuality—how a woman feels on the inside. In the '80s women used suits with exaggerated shoulders and waists to make a strong impression. Women are now more comfortable with themselves and their bodies—they no longer feel the need to hide behind their clothes.” 
Donna Karan


Today I saw an old friend of mine and he pointed out that my blog isn't really about styling, most of the time.  His exact words were, "For a stylist you seem to talk a lot about how people should make themselves feel better."  I can't deny it, because this is a huge part of what I do.  Finding clothes is the easy bit, I don't know if you've noticed but they are everywhere.  The hard part is convincing people to relinquish things that are tried and tested, but may not be actively working for them.  For me what I do is about a baby step towards helping people to reach their potential and see who they are.  I truly believe when you look better, you feel better and as a result life improves.  It's not scientific, I only have anecdotal evidence to support my claims.  To be honest I doubt Upgrade me is going to win a Nobel Peace Prize and at no point will we stand shoulder to shoulder, a Well dressed wall against the tide of human misery but I know that my clients have a better day because I've been in it, more they have a better 6 months or year as well.


When you are comfortable with yourself and the way you are presented, you have the energy to think of other things.  When you question even the smallest part of yourself it takes more energy to get anything done, as you will be pushing from a position of sand, which is hard - I don't recommend it.  The hardest thing about my job is getting people to recognise that their preconceptions are the sand they are trying to build on.  Donna Karen says that women no longer hide behind their clothes, but I think actually the clothes may have changed but the thoughts haven't.  As women we no longer borrow power it is our right, but as people, men and women, we don't generally strive to use clothes as a tool, which is what they are.  My job is to show people how to put the right tools in the box and occasionally how to use them to their greatest effect.  Clothes won't make the man, but the feelings of confidence inspired from looking good just might.

Sometimes it just isn't your day.

You know when you get all geared up to go shopping, the credit cards are empty(ish, well it is December) and you've decided you fancy a few new bits to set you up for the Christmas and New Year party season, or there are some Christmas gifts you've decided to splash out and get for those that you love.  When I feel this way there is only one place I ever head.  Bicester Village, just outside Oxford, it is my Disneyland, the happiest place on earth.  At the moment they are in sale, that's 60% and more off the RRP, cue happy dance!

To put things in perspective I once went with a friend and we seriously considered him taking the train home so we could fit more in the car.  There are many arguments for and against outlet shopping, the most usual is that it is a place, where clothes that no one wants go to spend the rest of their days.  I can't argue against that except to use the old adage, one man's trash- is my treasured item.  It's a great place to find unusual pieces that will really grab some attention or replace expensive items that need to be retired.  You can't plan it, as the stock changes frequently and isn't trend dominated.


However today I made a rookie mistake, I had a list of items that I wanted to get and as a result the shopping God's were not on my side.  The prices were amazing, but if you're not going to wear it, no price is cheap enough.  Sometimes it just isn't your day and you just have to accept the fact that your money, will stay in your pocket.  That is a good thing, although it can feel frustrating, when you try things on and they don't fit or look the way you hoped they would.  It can be easy to start to attack yourself, but it's not you, it's the clothes.  I'm afraid at this point I must pull out my old faithful example: Mum tried on 4 different coats in Maxmara, amazing cashmere and beautiful alpaca etc, but they weren't quite right.  I could tell Mum felt it was a size issue, which it wasn't, then we went into Moncler (not a usual haunt for either of us), not 5 minutes later Mum has a lovely new coat.  Sometimes you don't find what you are looking for, because you don't want what you are looking for.  


The great thing about shopping without a plan, is that you can be open to alternative ideas.  By travelling a bit further to shop it also encourages you to mentally step out of your rut and remove some of your barricades to trying new things.  Sometimes shopping in a new place, can be enough to allow you to see a different side to yourself.   
As when it is your day, this can happen

Essentials vs Basics, do you need both?

It's not exactly the ultimate conundrum but when it comes to your hard earned cash and the time you invest to find them, it is a factor you should consider, especially once I explain what I mean.  


An essential is an item that makes your life easier it is the 'no-brainer' section of your wardrobe.  The world will not end or improve on the merits of these garments but there are times, when you thank, whatever power you believe in, that they are there.  For me it's a Vince Black jacket, which consequently was the first item I ever bought in a 10, (this is probably more important to me than it should be, but if I had more moral fortitude I would probably do a different job) and a pair of grey Joseph trousers, other things may get a small window to join the Essentials team but the die hard, cry when they need Dry cleaning, items are listed.  The point of the essential is they give you a safe place to fall and/or build from.  You know they look good and so whatever you put with them borrows some of their sheen to be upgraded to their level.  
A basic, is just that, they are the garments that make the rest of your wardrobe wearable.  I like to think of them as blank canvases that allow your more exciting items to shine.  However their quality is almost more important because you'll wear them the most often in one guise or another, so they have to wash and wear, well.  They don't tend to be exciting pieces, no body is going to gush over a white t-shirt but if it is poor quality or fits you badly it will show more than on a fashion piece and as a result will be detrimental to your over all look.


For my money I would rather have a solid foundation than anything else.  There isn't a profession in existence that won't tell you that basic is actually the hardest to do well, take Strictly Come Dancing as an example, the easier the routine the more perfect it must be to achieve an acceptable score, because without any distractions, it is easy to see the problems.  Good basics, can also improve the over all look of an outfit by adding a twist that makes it uniquely yours, or that join 2 separates together to complete a style, you are trying to achieve.  These items tend to be in heavy wardrobe rotation so it is worth spending a little more money on them, why not feel special most days rather than when you dress up?  Essentials are important but they become essential, it is unusual to know in a fitting room whether something is going to become a wardrobe backbone.  As you will know from your own experience they are also difficult to find, searching for a replacement for an old favourite tends to be one of the most frustrating shopping experiences.  So really buying these has to happen organically, they will either be there or they won't.  Basics however are perfect Sale shopping fodder, this also allows you to consider brands you would usually discount on the basis of price.  A Joseph or Theory T shirt in the sale will be affordable and I promise you will notice the difference and see why people might buy these items at full price, but between you me and the Gatepost if you don't have to why should you?


I guess at the end of the day it is need versus want, we want the perfect wardrobe and need to build it on a strong foundation of solid pieces that we can rely on.  When that is achieved it is easy to get excited about all sorts of things that may pop up.

Best Friend?

Or more specifically shopping with one.  From an early age this is something we all do, it is not dependent on gender or socio economic level, we all at some point go shopping with friends, sometimes with great success and then there are those other times.
 

As much as I love people, you don't have to watch them for long to learn that, impartial they are not. We all have bias towards or against certain things and if you shop with a friend you not only have to deal with your own bias but their's as well. This is before you get started on the realities of what that person is actually thinking about beyond, whether that skirt is the right one for you. You may be different, but I also find that if I'm shopping with someone else I invariably censor myself, I try less on and tend to hurry decisions- so as to not inconvenience my friends, I consider their feelings in my spending decisions, "What will they think if I buy this and that?" or I just end up working for free. It's exhausting! At 15 this is easy, because looking like everybody else is the point, but as you mature and start to become the grown up you want to be, things get somewhat trickier. Now this may get confusing so bare with me but there is a point. When you shop with a friend, in the fitting room you have;

The person you are, the person you want to be, the person you are for your friend, the person your friend thinks you are, the person your friend wants you to be and the person either or both of you think you should try to be more like.  That's a lot of people to fit in one outfit, isn't it?


There is no blame to be apportioned to this, it's just the natural truth of relationships but it makes it easier to see how and why mistakes might be made.  So how do you navigate this and end up happy.  The easy answer and the one my bias would suggest, is hire a professional...but if not then you have to have a pact of total honesty and be prepared to possibly hear some things you may not like.  However my number 1 tip, is have lunch first, spend sometime listening to the things that are on each others minds so that your heads are clearer when you shop.  This limits the likelihood of either of you being distracted by other issues.  Over lunch discuss the type of things you are looking for, so that you understand each others aims for the trip, there is no point spending an hour looking at evening dresses if you both really want new jeans.  This will limit the chances of unnecessary frustrations.  


Secondly listen to their advice but trust your judgement.  Working on the shop floor I lost count of the number of times I heard the phrase, "My friend convinced me to buy this, but when I got home I knew I'd never wear it."  Save yourself the aggravation and be honest with yourself and your friend the first time.  If you aren't sure, ask for a second opinion from an objective observer, there is always someone else loitering around.  


Finally don't put any pressure on each other, because fundamentally you are friends and that is much more important than what you buy or don't.  It's easier to be brave as a duo, so why not use the next shopping trip as an opportunity to move out of your comfort zone a little and try the unexpected.  If it goes to a bad place at least you'll have someone to laugh with over a cheeky vino on the way home. 

Sometimes style, isn't about stylish

I love a chunky knit, patterned jumper, the ubiquitous Christmas jumper - previously I may have reserved the use to Sunday afternoons with hot chocolate and an old movie, but this year thanks to the fashion demi gods I can wear mine out and about and people think I'm 'cool'.  Last year someone would have thrown a rock at me and next year, well who knows.  This year my Alpine knit is stylish, does it matter that mine is from the 80's and has been hidden in the darkest corner of my wardrobe and before that my Mother's wardrobe?  That for 20 years it hasn't been stylish but now it is retro chic.  If this is the case why should we throw away anything, it'll come around again and old favourites will be revitalised for a new season.

I'm not wearing my jumper because a variation of it is available from most outlets, I'm wearing it because I've always loved it and this is my style, it just so happens that this season people agree with me.  I think this is the key to being stylish, buying things you love and having the confidence that a classic will out last any trend.

I try to encourage people to buy well once, rather than being slaves to entirely trend based items.  As it is almost impossible to find your own fashion voice, if all you do is listen to others.  Adding inexpensive trend pieces seasonally will allow you to maintain your wardrobe and your bank balance, whilst ensuring you are recognisable as yourself and comfortable in the clothes you wear.  Helping people create their own style and stay true to that is as important to what I do, as being able to tell my clients where to buy whatever they need.  A great wardrobe will have 3 essential sections, with a range of items in each.
1. History: These are items that you are personally attached to because of a great memory or individual event, every time you put them on you are transported, because they helped create your memories.
2. Back bone: These are the chameleons of your wardrobe, the base layer that you can alter slightly to build any look you want and ensure that, that look is flawless. The perfect jean, an exquisite suit, or a flawless LBD, the beautiful basics that can be your foundation to create a style.
3. Flair:  This is the fun bit, items that speak to you in a whisper or a shout.  These are the items that draw attention and will illicit comments from those around you, they should be colourful and a little daring.  They are the items that may end up becoming part of your history.

A wardrobe should contain things you love, whether they are bang on trend or not, otherwise where is the joy?


 

What if it doesn't work?

What if it does? Sorry to be simplistic but that kind of sums it up. We all seem to spend so much time stopping before we even begin, in case something bad might possibly happen. Surely that is the point of rocking around on the Earth to see what we are actually capable of, to see what we can achieve when we get out of our own way. There are a million self help books to teach you how to get up, on, off or over- depending on your wants and needs and that really isn't my area of expertise but what I can and will do is ensure, whilst you are doing the rest of that stuff you look killer! As everything is easier when you can start the day without also worrying about your appearance. Just a quickie today from me, tomorrow do me a favour, wear something special, be extra shiny. If anybody says anything, tell them Lizzie said you should. X

Stop Thinking, you know what to do.

I was in the gym about 40 minutes ago, being brutalised by my lovely trainer and I had myself a little mental block.  I haven't had the best of days, I've been frustrated by a few bits and pieces, that aren't quite going my way, so by the time I got into the gym I had a small case of the "I can'ts".  He asked me to lift a weight, that was miles away from my personal best and I physically couldn't do it.  I had no idea how to get this 40kg weight, where I needed it to be.  So we went back to basics, drilling the movement, with small weights, slowly increasing until without noticing, I was lifting 50kg.  I also ended up doing it 4 times as many times as he was going to ask me to in the first place.  Working harder than I needed to because my head stopped me taking the initially more difficult but quicker path. (He's crafty that way)  


I can hear you scratching your head as to what this has to do with dressing.  Well think about it if we can make ourselves stronger and weaker just with our thoughts, is it not equally possible that we can change the way we look and as a result the way we present ourselves to the world?  You know that feeling when you put on a skirt that you have worn a 100 times but today you look enormous and can't possibly be seen in public wearing it, well that is your case of the "I can'ts" the secret is that you can, but not with that attitude.  


The first thing in changing yourself is stop being so hard on yourself, we all do it, particularly in areas where we feel threatened.  The removal of belief, in some ways is a protection mechanism, nothing can go wrong if nothing changes, we will get what we expect.  However the problem with nothing changing is that equally nothing will improve.  If you believe you can improve you will naturally start to make changes and seek advice from those with more information.


The second step is to know where you are, it's all very well heading off on a journey but knowing where you are starting is as important as understanding where you hope to get to.  This is why a Wardrobe clear out is so important, what are your wardrobe building blocks and how much of that is just a repetition, that is taking up space without merit.  Taking off on a wild hare to change your style is fine if you can afford it, but most of us can't.  To give you a metaphor, do you remember setting up house for the first time, yes there were big expenditures, but it was the little things that really added up on your credit card ie glasses, tea spoons, cooking utensils in general.  These basic items that you may already have can be bridges to your new style, maintaining some familiarity so that your brain is better able to cope and as a consequence is less likely to reject the notion of a new you.


Finally, listen to yourself!  What is your inner monologue? Is it constructive or destructive?  Sometimes when you actually listen to the words it is enough to make you realise how wrong you are.  Would you accept those comments from anyone else, or to put it a different way, if you heard 2 people talking to each other like that, without context would you think it was acceptable?  Through out the years I have heard some brutal things in fitting rooms, some enough to make me physically flinch and they are always said by people as they look in the mirror:- Stop it!  If you can't trust your thoughts, ignore them and go with your gut.  Trust your instincts, they probably won't steer you too far off the right path.


All I know for certain is this, if you tell yourself you can, you will and I bet you'll look fabulous while you do!

Practical pursuasion

There are things none of us want to do and yet as responsible adults, there comes a time to suck it up, put on your big kid pants and just get on with it.  There are a million things that fall into this category and for many people shopping for Christmas gifts is one of them. However it is possible with the right tools to persuade yourself that its fun and not a chore.  One of the easiest ways to inspire yourself is to put a little more thought into the entire affair, that way you can focus more on the end result rather than being bogged down in the process.  Imagine how your family will feel, if you find fun unique gifts for each of them, that reflect who they are to you.  It isn't always necessary to throw money at the situation to achieve your hoped for goal, which incase you missed the memo is supposed to be a token of love and thought, not an orgy of overwhelming greed!


Don't get me wrong when it comes to greed, I could write a fairly impressive course outline, I've had the worst case of the 'I wants' since forever.  But with that said it's the presents that mean something that I actually remember.  The reality is that, we are all having to think a little more carefully this Christmas, being recently self employed, I know I am.  I'd love to throw money at the problem of gifts but the reality is I don't have any.  So it's time to think rather than spend.  I'm not just talking what are peoples hobbies but the little things that show you care, enough to have thought about how that person lives their life.  My Sister in Law, bought her Dad a banana case because he complained of bruised fruit after going rambling, (this was last year - I'm not giving away any secrets) but this is what I mean it was a small thing but the reaction was huge.  So here are a few little things that might add up to some big appreciation.

Bobble £9.98

Egg & Soldiers £7.99

Leather cup holder £95

There is something about a well dressed man.

Sometimes its fun to point out the obvious.  I talk about glamour and elegance a lot and these are not words that we immediately associate with men and yet they can be just as true.  Most women at some point try to upgrade the man in their life, with varying degrees of success, but I see more and more men wanting to do this for themselves.  Image is becoming more important and just getting by with the style you've always had is no longer acceptable even on a professional level.  Male fashion is a serious business which is no longer run by the women in your life, it is important that you care as much as they do.  I went out last night with a great friend of mine and his comment was, "Damn, I missed the plaid memo."  As I looked around I would say 60% of the guys in the room were wearing some type of plaid shirt.  I wouldn't consider plaid to be an acceptable evening fabric, yes Lumberjack was a significant influence this season but I can reasonably state that there is not a chance you would ever see 60% of women choosing the same trend.


So who's fault is it?  Is it men's fashion that isn't imaginative enough or men themselves that refuse to leave there comfort zone and be seen to care too much about their appearance?  


Well I don't think its Men's fashion because there are other patterns and fabrics out there, I know I've seen them.  Men who dress well stand out, as there are so few of them.  I know sweeping statement and I deserve a raft of comments from all those of you who do try new things, without a knife in your back.  When I've helped men in the past I've realised a few things; they tend not to have the same preconceived notions that women do, about what will and won't suit them but they also have a lot more fear attached to the whole process.  Starting with shopping as an idea, for some it is almost a dirty word, conjuring images of trawling, schlepping and being dragged from place to place.  I've discovered with Men it is vital to have a plan, that they can see, so they can see the finish line as you begin.  They fear being laughed at by their friends and so changes have to be subtle and in increments giving them time to adjust to the new style.  It is rare to find a man that embraces the process in the way that women do, until they start reaping the benefits.  Then I become a useful tool in their arsenal, until then its a mix of iron fist in a velvet glove to make the necessary changes, luckily this is a personality trait I have in abundance.


I find that men care just as much about their appearance but they do not have access to the same tools that women have.  Every women's magazine runs an article twice a year on dressing for your shape and styles that suit, men's magazines don't, every time you turn on the TV there is a stylist telling you how to look good, or dress better or understand this season's trends - men at best get an 'add on' piece at the end.  They have less options and less information and then we wonder why they are all wearing plaid, it just isn't really fair.


Dressing men is both harder and easier but it can be more rewarding.  So if you are thinking of clothes for Christmas, why not try to think outside the box of his, or your established style.  New Year, new you and all that.

When life gets tough, take a nap.

I realise this is in contradiction to what most people would say, as everyone wants to push themselves, to show what they can do and prove their worth.  Particularly at this time of year, I'm hearing more and more stories about Shopping Centres being open until 10pm and 11pm, and I have visions of some poor sod, putting the kids to bed and then going shopping or finishing a 12hour day glued to a computer and then going shopping.  In the words of a great mind, "Sod that for a game of darts!"  I know this is a nightmare time of year, where all you can see is a great raft of people you could possibly let down or disappoint, where your life doesn't look like the adverts and that makes you feel like less of a human being and there is always some Smug Arse, telling you that their decorations are up/they've finished decorating/wrapping presents/stuffing turkey/mosaic tiling their bathroom, pick your reason to stab them with a sprig of holly and delete as appropriate.  


Life is not supposed to be 100 miles an hour 24 hours a day, if you try you will flake and I guarantee the mistake you make will seem bigger because you are so tired.  I met a woman yesterday who is already in a flat out spin about the fact she is cooking Christmas Lunch for the first time.  I could actually see her eyes starting to roll with the stress, but she was past the point where she could ask for help.  I actually thought she was going to have a melt down over Cranberry Sauce, so much unnecessary pressure.  It's just a meal and you know what, no body really likes it anyway:- that's the problem with taking on other peoples traditions, the stress because it isn't your natural behaviour, added to the stress of being judged on something you aren't comfortable doing, added to the stress of having 20 people you don't speak to 364 days a year round for hours of conversation - my eyes would roll and I'm a fairly good cook.  She wasn't a natural cook you could see that, so why offer?  I know "Tis the season".  No-sorry, "tis the season of good will' not the season of ridiculous amounts of stress and judgement.  


In the years I have wondered around the planet I've learnt a few things about myself, mostly that my ID is stronger than my Ego, let me eat and sleep and I can cope with anything, but deprive me of either or both and I will be useless on a level you don't usually see without a Nappy.  I know that if I don't look after myself really bad things happen, really quickly - I don't know but I imagine you are the same, because you are human. If you do not look after yourself particularly at this time of year, you will lose it, maybe over Cranberry Sauce(?) So instead of going shopping at 9 o'clock, when frankly the Shop Assistants will be surly as they would rather be at home and they are judging every single person shopping, on the grounds that as far as they are concerned, it is your fault that they are standing there.  I'm just saying, maybe crack the back of that book you got for Christmas last year, see what's on the old SKY+, that you never bothered to watch, talk to the other people in your house, take a well deserved nap.  The good news is, if nobody knows your plans they won't have a clue if things go wrong, so what's the point of stressing about it.  


Things can be just perfect without even an ounce of 'perfection'. 

New verses old, the ultimate conundrum

This is not the post I had planned but when inspiration strikes, whatever the cause - sometimes you just have to go with it.  Stupidly I left my computer at home, as I travelled off into the Boonies for my first Christmas delivery and as a result am using a machine that is almost peddle powered.  Don't get me wrong I'm no techno fiend, but I have come to expect a certain reaction speed from my computer and I had forgotten all about the joys of connections that unexpectedly drop out. (Bet some of you didn't even know that still happened.)  It's quite exciting I feel intrepid- will I finish, before the connection goes or the entire computer freezes?  Ah it is the simple excitements of this life which can bring true joy.


When I asked the owner (My Mum, who may as you read this, have been yelling at me for sometime) why not just get a new one?  Her answer was simple, why is new always better?  The more detailed and possibly appropriate to what I do answer, is of course: "I know and understand this one, so why change it to something that may be confusing and frustrating and not do what I want it to."  A sentiment we all understand and live through at some point, why should I change anything when what I have is good enough?  It's not exactly high praise is it, no business management would survive if they strived and encouraged their teams to reach levels of Good Enough.  So why are we all so convinced that it is acceptable on a personal level?


The argument for old is simple, it is classic and has worked for us before.  We know every idiosyncracy and have accepted the failings, as we do the odd little quirks of friends.  There is safety in this knowledge, it is unlikely that today will be any different from yesterday or tomorrow.  There is of course comfort in familiarity and change isn't always for the better, what if others react badly to the change, what if I can't cope with the change and feel like I have failed as I would rather go back to the old method.  I'm sure you noticed the switch, no, I'm not talking about computers any more but then you weren't thinking about them either!  If you change your style and Upgrade your wardrobe, will it be for the better?  The truth is I don't honestly know, it is a risk and a personal one at that.  I can remove some of the risk by helping you make stronger decisions but only your confidence levels will illustrate the success or failure of the venture.  I'll tell you one thing though, things never improve if you don't try.


So the argument for new, it could be extraordinary and the reward of that is worth any risk in my opinion. 


Oh, and Mum we are going computer shopping tomorrow!!! x

Old School Glamour

I confess I'm a total junkie for 60's movies and today on TV was one of my all time favourites, 'That touch of mink' with Doris Day and Cary Grant.  The scene where she goes shopping in Bergdorf Goodman's, beautiful.  I know life isn't like this any more and its not practical to expect this kind of life but how about the occasional moment like this one, to be glamorous and relaxed.  


To have a wardrobe of clothes that means whatever the situation you are prepared and know within your soul that you look the best you could.  Unfortunately without a rich benefactor this isn't going to happen to any of us over night, it takes time and a little work but it is achievable and a realistic goal.  It might start with one key piece, which you can use as a bench mark for everything else.  For me it was a jacket by Sportmax, which is a less well known diffusion line of Max Mara, the cut is excellent and it improved the look of the quality of the pieces I wore with it.  I could then use it as a bench mark when I was trying other items, "do I feel as good in this?"  It helped to raise the bar on the items I was prepared to buy, as a result my overall wardrobe improved.  If you try something on and don't feel special in it, why would you buy it?  A feeling of glamour extends from feeling you are making the best of yourself and this is a choice you should make with every purchase in order to achieve the optimum capsule wardrobe.  In this way you will waste a lot less money, and get more value from the clothes you do buy.


How to marry a Millionaire - The other option?

Chasing the dream

Supposedly we are all chasing  a dream, be it the perfect job, perfect family or a combination of the two.  The idea that if you buy enough or do enough you will achieve this Utopian existence on Earth and happiness will be an everyday expectation.  I don't know about you but part of my Utopian life would be the ability to wear white  for more than 20 minutes, without spilling something irremovable on it. (stylish I may be, clumsy I am)  The point that I seem to have veered away from is; who is choosing our ideal of Utopia?  Did you sit down and decide what you are aiming for, or did someone tell you what you should want?  You probably have a vague notion that you want to be successful and happy, that you want your family to be healthy and wise, but have you considered on a personal level how to make that happen?


The reality is a goal is the secret to achieving anything, you can't take the first step until you at least have a vague idea of which direction you want to head in.  For example, looking better is a start but it actually needs refining into an actual goal, the spectrum is too wide to be achievable all at once and so you will invariably give up before you reach the end game.  Manageable bites is the key, if you want to add colour do it one piece at a time - then you can gauge the reaction and see if it works for you.  Take my Mum for example, a month ago I reorganised her wardrobe, we didn't go shopping, I just gave her an opportunity to really look at the pieces she already had.  The compliments, just keep coming and I can hear the pride in her voice, by wearing her clothes in a different way and getting dressed from a more simple system she is able to achieve the results she wanted.  It's true we are completely biased towards each other, she thinks I'm a genius, I think she is the root of all the good things in my life but that doesn't detract from the fact she feels amazing and the confidence shines from her and I'm proud that I could help her in that way.  We took a baby step and the results have had significant ripple effects.


So if you get a chance spend a bit of time today thinking about what you want, as that really is the first step to getting it.

Shoes live in a box, you shouldn't.

The process of becoming confined is a lengthy one, it doesn't happen over night the boxes we live in are defined over time and unfortunately usually by other people.  In my experience it is the people who are more difficult to define or who continue to surprise you that we find most interesting and as a result want to emulate in terms of fashion and lifestyle.

A style icon is someone who doesn't just do what they are told, they look at the options and make an active choice, passively accepting your lot in life is not the way to a genuine smile in the morning.  I'd like to tell you a bit more about Louise, she of the first date in 'Event dressing 101'.  She was married for a decade, the lived a fairly comfortable life but as her twenties became her thirties, the list of things that came before her in the pecking order got longer and longer.  When we first met there was no room in her life for fashion, as far as she was concerned, "clothes are what stop me being arrested on the school run", "no body looks at me anyway so what does it matter what I'm wearing?"  The boxes Louise had put herself in were: Wife and Mother, and then she was thrown out of one of her boxes, quite unexpectedly.  Life changes are one of the things I do the most as I can help illustrate ways to bridge the gap between what you are used to and what you need.  In this case Louise needed armour, confidence carrying clothes - that would mean she could fake it, for a while, until she was back on form.  Before we could build a wardrobe though we had to destroy some boxes.  As inside the big boxes were lots of little belief boxes, 

Mummies aren't meant to be sexy

I do not have time to spend hours on myself

No body cares what I look like

Fashion is not functional

To be honest the list could be endless, so why don't we concentrate on these as they are all effectively saying the same thing:- I don't matter!

It came as a huge shock to Louise that she did matter and by improving the way she felt about herself and treated herself, she was generally better at everything she was doing.  I think there is an old proverb something about the world being a better place through happy eyes and when we are unconfined we have more of a view of that world.  I'm not saying you need to question every character trait and thought that defines you, although if you have an urge knock yourself out, my friend.  What I am saying is that you aren't what you do, so why wear a uniform at home?

Go on crack the lid, I bet there is more inside than you thought!

Butter by Nadia - Signature Jersey

 I bought mine in an airport, which I think you'll agree is not the place you expect to find a fashion must have but that's Heathrow Terminal 5 for you.  They even come in ball gown length, as far as I'm concerned its as close as us women will ever get to the ease with which men can throw on the same Tuxedo again and again.  Imagine a single outfit that is only limited by your imagination.

Literally the best dress you will ever buy, bar none without exception.  It is rare for me to make comments like this, but it is also rare for me to be this impressed by an item.  As it's not just one dress, it can be all the dresses, the fabrics they use are really high quality and the options you have are never ending.  Not to mention if you run out of inspiration, there are literally hundreds of instructional videos on You Tube.  When I talk about single items that work harder within your wardrobe this is the epitome of what I'm talking about.  You can even wrap it as a skirt or top, simply genius.  Following on from yesterday's post, if you feel you have to buy a new dress, I'm getting behind this one. 

Added to this as it is quite plain you can upgrade it easily with accessories or have it as a dress for work.  Do you remember last years Christmas party, where you either drove home like a maniac to change or brought a small suitcase into work so that you could get dressed in the loo?  With this dress all you need to do is unwrap it and re-wrap it in a Grecian style, throw on a bit of sparkle and a fresh lick of mascara and you are as they say, "Ready for Bear!" (No I don't really know what that saying means either)

Argh, is that my bank balance or the temperature?

It's that time of year again when it actually almost hurts to check your finances, made worse by the knowledge that things aren't going to get any cheaper for quite a while.  I can't and won't pretend that I am good with money - I tend to see payments in terms of handbags and clothes, ooh if I do that job I can afford a new....(insert appropriate thing I don't need, but have fallen in love with anyway.)  So at this time of year I try not to look too closely and pray to all that may be up there that nothing breaks.  I imagine that if you had to add to this season a myriad of new outfits for those parties you have to go to, things would be a lot worse.  However I know that many people do add this extra financial stress, not because they see something they love but because they don't know how to update what they have.  In no way am I suggesting you get out the glue gun and destroy a lamp shade in order to fashion some quasi fashionable, wannabe monstrosity but by putting the items you already have together in an unexpected way you will end up with a wearable, effectively new outfit, that won't cause you to spend the entirety of January eating baked beans and left overs.


I am almost willing to guarantee that you have at least one back of the wardrobe dress.  A dress that has been dragged out to take centre stage more times than Bette Midler, that never lets you down.  This year instead of wearing it in the same way, why not try something different to freshen it up?  Before you go into a shopping frenzy look at what you have and see if you can recycle or reinvigorate the items you already own, instead of a whole new outfit you might be able to get away with just buying some new accessories and give old Bette a decent facelift.  For those of you who prefer a suit, due to gender or comfort, why not wear it with a funky Tshirt instead of the same old shirt.  It'll look fresh, cool and you'll be more comfortable.  Try putting colour into the outfit through your accessories as that can grab just as much attention and as many compliments as anything else.  Also you may not have considered but it is worth mentioning how much of a difference hosiery can make, so next time try a pattern or colour to completely change the aesthetic.  Tights can add a huge amount to an outfit with very little financial strain. I love the colours  available from companies like Falke and the quality is really high-end too.


This time of year is the perfect time to try doing things a different way, as the majority of people are too full of the joys of the season and are too busy to be anything but complimentary.  One of the greatest truths is that only bored people are bitchy, everybody else has better things to do.  

Why shouldn't you get what you want?

How many times have you opened a gift and immediately had to transform your face into an unnatural grimace of gratitude?  "Oh my God, I've always wanted cheap, uncomfortable underwear made of synthetic fabric - How did you know?"  This may sound a little harsh but that gift you hate is mostly your fault.  I know secretly we all long for the perfect secret surprise gift, that the people we love will somehow look into our souls and discover our secret desires, because they love us and we are simple enough to understand- so how can they get it so wrong?  It isn't because they didn't try, I extend enormous flurries of admiration for any man who even tries to buy underwear, its a mine field.  In fairness, as we have already discussed women have no idea, so how on earth is a man supposed to decode the madness.  We've all had gifts we hate from various family and friends, a particular low point for me was the year I received 10 different Boots scent gifts, the Charity Tombola did well that year, I can tell you.


I'm not being ungrateful, but don't you see it as a waste of money?  Buying people things you don't know if they'll like and in most cases you are so busy you don't care if they do either.  Not really the proper sentiment is it?  So you have a couple of options either you can continue to be passive and write down who gave you what so you don't end up re-gifting or you can be pro-active.  Spend sometime this week thinking about what you actually would like to receive.  What are your dream gifts?  When we were children we all sat down and wrote lists and I seem to remember actually getting some of the things on the list, nobody gets everything they want but even 25% is better than what you are probably averaging at the moment.  These days most companies have some form of gift list service.  Then you just email people the list, que lovely Christmas morning full of exciting things you actually want.  


I hear you yelling that it isn't about what you get and its not, but it is about giving someone a token of your love and if I don't know what means love to them, how can I?  As an extra token I can also remove some of the stress of finding a gift for me, the embodiment of the girl who has everything.  I can't tell you how many of my clients loved ones ring me to find out what they should be shopping for or to ask me to do it for them when they find out that, that is a service I offer.


If you don't have someone in your life who knows what you want, why not tell them?  Why be frustrated, it is such a simple thing, no dancing around, leaving hints and hoping it'll come good, just sit them down tonight and say, "I would like..."  Watch the relief, it could be the best gift you give them.  I'll let you in on a secret too, it leads to a general raising of the bar, as you get what you want but it also gives them a ball park to end up with that hearts desire gift you never dared even think about.


Think about what you want and give people a chance to get it for you.

When its cold outside

As it's getting so much colder I know we are all becoming more concerned with the idea of staying warm without starting to look like the Michelin Man, or like the giant mess I turned myself into here.  In my defence I was stuck in a field and functionality over took fashion, I didn't care what the layers were they just had to be thick, hence the 'Hunk o Chunk'.  In this case as with all things fashion preparation can and will prevent this kind of performance.

So I thought a few tips of products that I find amazing, to save yourself from being limited to finding clothes that match a blue skin tone.  I don't know about you but if I'm cold or hungry the part of my brain that wants to be nice to people shuts off as well, so as a favour to all those who know me, I'll be concentrating on being warm this Winter.  

1.  Thermals: I know this brings up visions of some vial itchy vest that you had for school but things have moved on significantly.  Try a Silk mix thermal top or bamboo as your fabrics of choice they tend to be mixed with polyamide, but as mostly natural fabrics they are fabulous temperature modulators and thin enough not to add significant bulk.  I've added links to the ones I have but there are more.

2. Fleece lined tights these will achieve the same effect as thermals as an option instead of woolly tights, which I think we can all agree are suitably horrid and difficult to wash.

3.  I love these hand warmers and keep them in my handbag for a quick burst of winter warmth, waiting for buses and trains.  They're pretty small so its a discreet way of mentally hugging a radiator.

4.  Scrummy, snuggly accessories- oh there are a million options and this season is no exception.  As a concept think about layering scarves to change the texture and add in extra colour, bringing warmer tones back into your winter wardrobe.  Occasionally I'll even use a summer sarong as a scarf to make me think of warmer days.

5.  Luckily this season is all about the oversized knit, there are some truly beautiful options out there, my absolute favourite and Queens of my wish list are below but I'm sure you have your eye on something equally delicious.

Lattice stitch tunic by Hush-uk.com

Covertible poncho sweater by shopbop.com

Your hourly rate

Have you ever considered your life in terms of how much you would get paid for the time you waste?  Think about the small amounts of time that are wasted everyday from not quite knowing what you are doing or from having to search for things you can't find.  I say put it in terms of your hourly rate as that is quantifiable, in very real and occasionally upsetting terms.


Now extend that thought to how much time you have spent wandering around stores looking for specific items, at this time of year, this is exacerbated by how much shopping actually has to be done.  Add in the cost of stress and the time it takes to recover after a marathon shopping trip.  Those little Christmas gifts suddenly aren't seeming so reasonable are they?  I hate to sound smug but I finished my Christmas shopping today in 3 hours, yes its my job and that does make it a lot easier, but I also have a family that grows like a weed.  Finding unique and thoughtful gifts is a monster job that leaves most people feeling far from the joys of the season.
So here is my advice, make a plan and stick to the plan.  Before you go shopping think about what you would like to buy people and set a realistic budget.  Then when you find yourself confronted by a better option take it. 


The truth is that the shops are full of great ideas but because of this it is so easy to get carried away and end up spending so much more than you meant to.  In contrast to what I have done, I also wouldn't suggest buying gifts too early as you are bound to see something else, nearer the time.  So, except for those must have children's gifts it may be worth leaving it for another couple of weeks - trust me there will always be more pashminas and perfume. 


All shopping is time consuming from food to fashion but its so much worse when that time isn't used effectively.  

Fr-enemies, vital advice.

So I've been tinkering with this blog post for a while, going back and forth about how to write it.  How to make it positive and illustrate why its important without being flippant or dismissive.  I've written 5 or 6 different drafts but they never quite hit the right note as I was trying to hide the point behind a story or analogy hoping you'd see my meaning.  This morning I realised that was the whole point a fr-enemy, will always hide what they are trying to say, which can be so much more damaging.

My advice is pretty simple, don't listen to them!

For those of you who are grown up enough not to recognise the term, a Fr-enemy is essentially someone in your life who picks fault and drains your positive energy.  They may not even realise they are doing it but it will have a negative effect on you.  As a general rule they are the people who pick holes in what you are doing because they would be too afraid to do it.  They will mask their criticism in terms of concern, which may be enough to sow a seed of doubt in you, just enough to remove the shine.

What has this got to do with styling?  Well I know that when you try something new it can feel a little precarious and sometimes the smallest comment can send you careening back into your old safer, more expected ways.  The woman at work who looks at you and says, "You're making more effort these days, trying to catch yourself a new man?" - Clear fr-enemy behaviour, as this comment will make you wonder what other people see your motivation to be.  The fact remains what other people think is of little consequence, if you feel better.
The significant other, who looks at you and says, "That's a new look for you?" By not stating whether it is good or bad, if you have any question in your mind you immediately suspect they are being negative.  The truth is they probably aren't but it's still a crappy statement.
The ........ well there are a million examples and we all have our own stories of outfits ruined by other peoples thoughtless comments.  When I was big, I went into a shop (I won't say which one) and was asked if I was "buying a gift, as nothing here will fit you."  I still won't go into that shop.  That comment alone was enough to fundamentally change how I felt about myself.

So I'm not dismissing how much power other peoples words have but I am saying that you can control the effect they have on you.  Next time someone is bitchy intentionally or otherwise, go look in the mirror and I mean look.  Do you like what you see?  Are you comfortable in your skin? If the answer is yes, just shrug its their drama and you don't need to internalise it.  If the answer is no, change what you don't like, because you want to though not because 'they' tell you to.  The fact is'they' have their own problems you are just too nice to point them out!

I hope this makes sense, it's meant with love.

Accessories add so much more than you see

There is an extreme difference between getting dressed and being dressed.  Think about a catwalk for a moment, even if the designer doesn't make shoes they borrow them, they borrow jewellery and belts and everything they need to complete their vision.  As style is actually never about the clothes.  The devil as they say is in the barely noticed detail, this is what separates the extraordinary from the ordinary. You can fundamentally alter the use of an outfit, with the accessories you are wearing with it, before you think about shoes.

There is a reason that a shop like Liberty's has a scarf room,  and there is a reason that almost every brand has an accessories range.  They will make or break an outfit, they also tend to be slightly cheaper items so that you can buy into a brand without mortgaging your underwear.  Here is the secret to great style though, don't match your accessories - it looks really over done.  You've seen that woman, the one sponsored by Gucci print - YUK!  (If I was doing that much advertising I would want to get paid.)  So how do you do it successfully?  

The first thing I would say is, it takes time to build a collection, which is what you should consider your items.  Don't rush out and spend a fortune - put in some time to find things that you love, so that your investment will pay dividends.  Sales are a great time to pick up accessories as they tend not to be so obviously trend inspired, I'm very tactile so textures are important to me, last New Year I bought a few Faliero Sarti scarves and I would say they are one of my best purchases bar none.  They are functional and stylish, not to mention the fact people always comment on how wonderful they look.  Also have you considered accessories are a way of changing a very boring outfit into something much more inspired.  I used to have to wear black for work, all black no deviation - we all did.  I can't tell you how boring I found it, until I started to see it as a challenge and then a game, how much variation could I get into an outfit within the rules?  I discovered that a necklace can change the focus of a collection of clothes and turn it into something different.  A belt can break the line of a dress, which will alter it without stitches.  A scarf can add a more interesting neckline to a t shirt, upgrading it to business attire.  On top of all of this the use of accessories makes others pay more attention and impresses them, not because they can't do it but because they wouldn't think to.

So the second secret of style is think it through, dare to wonder - what would happen if?  You might be very surprised as to where you end up.

Jeans are in my DNA

I live in jeans they are the backbone of my wardrobe, I find them easy to style in order that they are appropriate for any situation. I do wear other items but if I can find a way I'll be rocking denim, given half a chance, because it means I'm comfortable but not sloppy. I have found on my travels that jeans like bras are starting to have a bad reputation for being difficult to shop for. They do have their own language, words such as wash, fit, waist, stretch % and rise, not to mention they now tend to be merchandised as you see here, which can be daunting to the uninitiated.

Wash = Colour

Fade = Areas the dye is less strong in order to focus the eye

Fit = the way the jeans are supposed to look ie loose, relaxed, tight

Style = Flare, Bootcut, Slim bootcut, Straight, Skinny, Fashion

Rise = Depth of the crutch

Waist = In inches 28 is a size 10 approx

Stretch% = between 0 and 3% to still be jeans

Hell it can be daunting to me and I know what I'm looking at and for.  The first thing I would say is head for a retailer known for denim, if you want your jeans to fit you properly you need 2 things:- a manufacturer, who knows how to make them and a Sales Advisor(SA) who knows how to sell them.

1. Be prepared, before you go shopping think about what you want from your jeans, are they for going out or lounging around or do you want a multi purpose pair that can be dressed up or down.  Realise that it is not going to be a quick process, you are going to have to try a few pairs at least, unless you are very lucky or shopping with me.
2. Don't look at the jeans, instead you see that girl/boy standing next to the jeans who just said hi, talk to them, they spend all day looking at peoples arses in jeans and they know the difference between the good and the great.  Agreeably this can be hit and miss, but if you don't like the SA, you can walk away and you have wasted no time.
3. Be prepared to have your mind changed, if you go in asking for a bootcut but the SA listens to your needs and suggests a straight or flare at least try them on, you may be surprised and in fairness you've got your clothes off anyway so what's the difference?  If you ask for a light wash and they show you a dark wash in a different style that they don't have in a light wash try it on.  Jeans can be ordered.
4. Come out of the fitting room and ask for a consensus, I think I may have mentioned before that fitting rooms aren't your friend - the lighting is terrible, they tend to be small and lonely.  So open the door and see what other people think.  The SA can give you realistic advise about the size, style and whether the fit is appropriate.  If they make a suggestion, listen to their advice.  Even those who work on commission, which in the UK is far less than you think, want you to get the perfect jeans as then you'll keep them and return to buy again.  It's in no one's interest for you to end up with rubbish clothes.
5. Alteration isn't a dirty word, so the jeans fit perfectly, best ever but they are too long.  I shouldn't have to tell you this but I know I do, get them shortened then they are the perfect length too and they won't get raggedy and ruined.  If the waist gapes but they are perfect everywhere else, this can be altered as well, although it might be worth asking if the brand does a curvy fit - most do now.  Although be warned as a general rule of thumb these will be either the best or worst jeans you have ever put on, they rarely fall into the middle ground.
6.  When it comes to the fit of stretch jeans, which 90% of jeans are now.  The rule is the tighter the better, sorry.  If you can run your thumb around the inside of the waist band they are the right size even if you fear for the button.  I promise that within half an hour they'll fit like a glove and never get to the baggy bum stage - which is the ultimate thing to avoid.

You don't have to be this size to look like this!

There is no excuse for the Mum jean, no one looks good in them or feels hot in them.  So don't let it happen to you and don't pay for something that doesn't fit you.  I can't state enough that the Sales Advisors are there to advise you, its in the title and everything.  Give them a chance, you might be really pleasantly surprised!

I could go on about stretch quotients and pocket positioning, I could bore you to tears about the way certain jean brands place their seams and detailing and the reasons for same.  I feel I could write a fairly substantial thesis on the way the different dyes will effect the way the jeans stretch over time.  But the truth is I know all you care about is how they look on you and that my friend is a case by case basis!  

Happy hunting, for the perfect jeans for you!